Emotional Intelligence 101: Building Better Relationships with Yourself and Others

For most of my life, I thought being “smart” was enough to navigate relationships. I aced exams, landed decent jobs, and could solve the most intricate logical problems.

This is the story of my friend Trina. We met last weekend, and she shared her story with me. I hope this helps you improve your relationship with yourself and others.

Yet, when it came to relationships — especially with my family — I stumbled. It wasn’t about intelligence. It was about something deeper: emotional intelligence.

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

The Struggles Begin

I grew up in a close-knit family. From the outside, we seemed picture-perfect — big family gatherings, shared laughter, and the occasional drama. But behind closed doors, I often felt misunderstood. Arguments with my parents about my choices felt like battles I could never win. My siblings, once my partners-in-crime, started drifting away as misunderstandings piled up.

I didn’t know how to express my frustrations or ask for help without sounding defensive. Instead, I withdrew, bottling up my emotions. I thought they’d go away if I ignored them long enough. Spoiler: they didn’t.

I even wrote a whole article on 30 Achievable Mental Health Goals to Set in 2025. Feel free to check it out for more detailed tips!

The Breaking Point

The turning point came during a family dinner last year. My father made a casual comment about my career choices, and I snapped. It wasn’t just the words; it was years of feeling judged and unsupported. My reaction was disproportionate, and it led to a huge argument. Everyone left the table, and I sat alone, overwhelmed by guilt and confusion.

That night, I realized the problem wasn’t just them — it was me. I had spent so much time feeling misunderstood that I never tried to understand them.

Discovering Emotional Intelligence

A few days later, a friend suggested I read about emotional intelligence (EI). I started with Daniel Goleman’s work and soon found myself deep in articles, books, and even podcasts about EI.

Here’s what I learned:

1. Self-awareness: I needed to understand my emotions and their triggers.
2. Self-regulation: Reacting impulsively wasn’t helping; I needed to respond thoughtfully.
3. Empathy: Truly understanding others’ feelings was just as important as expressing my own.
4. Social skills: Healthy communication could turn conflict into connection.

Putting It into Practice

I decided to start small, focusing on self-awareness. Each time I felt upset, I’d pause and ask myself: Why do I feel this way? For example, I realized my anger toward my father’s comments came from a deep-seated need for his approval.

Next, I practiced empathy. Instead of assuming my parents didn’t care, I tried to see things from their perspective. They grew up in a different era with different struggles. Their questions about my career weren’t judgments; they were expressions of concern.

I also worked on communicating better. Instead of accusing or arguing, I started using “I” statements. For instance, “I feel hurt when my choices are questioned” felt less confrontational and more honest than “You never support me.”

The Transformation

It wasn’t an overnight change, but over weeks and months, things started improving. My father began opening up about his own worries. My siblings and I reconnected over shared memories. Most importantly, I stopped seeing my family as adversaries.

My relationships weren’t perfect, but they felt authentic and grounded in mutual understanding. I also noticed improvements in other areas — my friendships grew stronger, and I became a better listener at work.

We can also connect on Twitter! @MinaraJahanpro

What I’ve Learned

Looking back, I’m grateful for that breaking point. It taught me that relationships thrive not on intellect but on emotional understanding.

If you’re struggling with your relationships, here’s my advice:

1. Be curious about your emotions. They’re messengers, not enemies.
2. Listen to understand, not to respond. Empathy is a game-changer.
3. Be patient. Emotional intelligence is a journey, not a destination.

Today, I’m still learning and growing, but I finally feel connected — to myself and to the people I care about.

So here’s to building better relationships, one emotion at a time.

Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed the story, feel free to leave a comment, leave 10–20 claps, subscribe if you haven’t yet, and also you can BUY ME A CUP OF COFFEE IF YOU ARE FEELING GENEROUS, and I’ll see you on the other success stories.